Are you arrogant?

That may seem like a strange and presumptuous question for me to be asking you this morning.  However, I think that your honest answer to this question, and the decisions you make about how to deal with it may change your day, your relationships, your career and your personal witness to others.

I unfortunately have had to deal with this question often in my own life.  Both in my own behavior and in the behavior I have experienced in others.  Let me give you a definition so you might think back on your interactions with me and see if you think I am or was.  Then you might also look at yourself.

Arrogance to me is thinking less of someone else because they do not think act or believe in alignment with my own beliefs.  I will give you an example.  Let’s say as a result of my beliefs I don’t believe in drinking.  I experience someone who has a lifestyle that includes social drinking or otherwise.  Because of my beliefs there is a gap in behaviors.  Arrogance would mean I think they are less than me because they chose this lifestyle.  I am finding it interesting to watch an eight year old, who does not yet have the capacity of discernment, who struggles to appreciate anyone he sees drinking or smoking.  He does not have the ability to let go what he sees as a deviation from his belief system, and cannot let it go.  He is always pointing it out.  I think to myself, “Why is he so stuck on this?”  Yet I realize I have my own judgments based on my beliefs that cause me to do the same.

In business, we often find ourselves in negotiations with someone who may or may not share the same level of morals and ethics as we do.  In our mind, they often become inferior, as they have a flaw compared to our beliefs.  Yet in their own mind, they see themselves as just fine, and growing quite successful with their behaviors. 

In relationships, we find that decisions are being made based on a family history that we have not experienced personally, and it produces decisions we believe are inferior to our own.  We begin to think less of the other person in this relationship because they are not capable of thinking as we do.

In sports, we excel in a certain skill, and can become caught up in the fact that others do not perform at our level.  We believe that we can outperform because our measurement system is based on our skill set.  You only have to watch the movie Rudy, to see this arrogance played out by others on the team.  Yet he is the one carried off at the end.  Perhaps the measurement system in life was different than the measurement system of the superstar?

In faith, we find that people in the world around us commit acts we consider atrocious.  Sleeping around, driving drunk, telling lies, whatever they deem necessary to have a good time, or to get ahead.  Based on the beliefs of our faith, we can get caught in the trap of sitting in judgment, and gain arrogance in our own performance.  However, we can forget that these people don’t have the same measuring stick as we do in their minds.  To them, their behavior is perfectly acceptable.

In our personal lives we can get so caught up in measures of performance that we have set, that we think we are doing well, and when others deem our performance to be less than excellent we get angry or quit or get into bad habits of secrecy or other unfortunate actions.

The issue here is not that our point of view of the world is wrong.  We may have a perfect understanding of right and wrong, spiritual faith, etc.  The issue is that the world is not aligned.  There is divergence of attitude, viewpoint and moral and ethical thought all around us.  We can see this as our government tries to deal with different world views and shows more arrogance than understanding.

As with general discussions of arrogance, the solution here is to humble ourselves.  Humility is not the action of lowering ourselves below the level of others.  Humility is the lifting up of others.  Meekness is a power that allows us to be content in ourselves so that we can serve others.  By allowing the viewpoints of others to exist without arrogance, we can then begin to understand them, and if possible even influence them.  Influence is a power that comes from people trusting you enough to hear what you have to say and consider it.  Arrogance is the enemy of influence.

I challenge you today as I challenge myself.  Don’t be hatin!  Don’t be arrogant.  Through live, consider those around you better than yourself.   But don’t consider yourself any less!  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Are you the center of your universe?

One of the most interesting ideas about believing in God is the implication that God is greater that man.  The idea that he created the universe and is the ruler of it as a result has importance to each of us that believes.  If God is indeed the center of the universe, then in some way we are subject to this, and we are outside of the center.

The opposite of this would be the person who does not believe in God.  By default, they are then the center of their existence.  They live, then they die.  Because God is not in charge, they are free to choose to select any set of morals and rules to be their guide.  Many people view this as their right as a person.  However, the conflict arises when the rules and morals they want to define life, and those of others are not the same.  How to decide which one is the right way?  What then is the truth.  In extreme cases, the universe of each person has no overlap, and they cannot agree on anything.  In other cases, the truth becomes a series of compromises, and what is true today might not be so tomorrow.

There is comfort in the knowledge that God has provided a set of truths for us to follow in our lives.  The fact that we don't like all of them is indicative of the conflict between human nature (us as the center) and being a servant of God.  We can choose to not like one of God's laws, but that does not make it untrue, and because of this there is a constant issue of separation and repentance involved in a God relationship.

If a person does not believe in God, that does not make God's truth false, it just makes it false to them.  Society allows these people often to impose their wills on believers in God, since they are in charge of their universe.  They can find enough people to support their view and make it the new truth.  Believers must find a way to address the way that the world imposes viewpoints on us.  Following Jesus gives us a guide for dealing with those who don't believe in God or Christ, and helps us stay simultaneously true to our beliefs and humble to the world.  Our pride and joy comes from serving, not winning and imposing our point of view.  Therefore, with God at the center of our universe, we are not required to be wise in the ways of the world, just dependent on the wisdom of someone we consider greater than ourselves.  How comforting to know we are not in charge!

What would you do today if you weren't afraid?

A friend of mine was struggling with a major decision in his life.  Should he date this girl, or not.  See, she was his best friend and his concern was that if he dated her and it didn't go well, he would not only lose a girlfriend, but his best friend as well.

His fear of making this dating mistake basically paralyzed his decision making capabilities to the point that he almost hurt the friendship by not responding to her interests in taking the relationship to the next level.  We were sitting around the dinner table one night and he was lamenting this problem to me, and I asked him, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"  He immediately replied that he would date this girl.  Well, as you can imagine, I didn't cut him any slack but encouraged him to think about his response.

Shortly afterward, he stopped by to tell me that he had indeed asked her for a date, and that the friendship had survived the entire event.

A few months later, I receive the news that there is a wedding in the future.  Turns out the friendship was an indication of just how compatible they were with each other.  My family attended the wedding, and as part of the rehearsal dinner, the groom shared the story of our night at the table when I asked him that question, and how glad he was he overcame the fear and acted.

So, I am not at the table with you right now, but think about that one thing you need to do, but aren't sure whether or not it is going to work out right.  I guess you know what question I am going to ask you. 

Let me know what happens.