Are you arrogant?

That may seem like a strange and presumptuous question for me to be asking you this morning.  However, I think that your honest answer to this question, and the decisions you make about how to deal with it may change your day, your relationships, your career and your personal witness to others.

I unfortunately have had to deal with this question often in my own life.  Both in my own behavior and in the behavior I have experienced in others.  Let me give you a definition so you might think back on your interactions with me and see if you think I am or was.  Then you might also look at yourself.

Arrogance to me is thinking less of someone else because they do not think act or believe in alignment with my own beliefs.  I will give you an example.  Let’s say as a result of my beliefs I don’t believe in drinking.  I experience someone who has a lifestyle that includes social drinking or otherwise.  Because of my beliefs there is a gap in behaviors.  Arrogance would mean I think they are less than me because they chose this lifestyle.  I am finding it interesting to watch an eight year old, who does not yet have the capacity of discernment, who struggles to appreciate anyone he sees drinking or smoking.  He does not have the ability to let go what he sees as a deviation from his belief system, and cannot let it go.  He is always pointing it out.  I think to myself, “Why is he so stuck on this?”  Yet I realize I have my own judgments based on my beliefs that cause me to do the same.

In business, we often find ourselves in negotiations with someone who may or may not share the same level of morals and ethics as we do.  In our mind, they often become inferior, as they have a flaw compared to our beliefs.  Yet in their own mind, they see themselves as just fine, and growing quite successful with their behaviors. 

In relationships, we find that decisions are being made based on a family history that we have not experienced personally, and it produces decisions we believe are inferior to our own.  We begin to think less of the other person in this relationship because they are not capable of thinking as we do.

In sports, we excel in a certain skill, and can become caught up in the fact that others do not perform at our level.  We believe that we can outperform because our measurement system is based on our skill set.  You only have to watch the movie Rudy, to see this arrogance played out by others on the team.  Yet he is the one carried off at the end.  Perhaps the measurement system in life was different than the measurement system of the superstar?

In faith, we find that people in the world around us commit acts we consider atrocious.  Sleeping around, driving drunk, telling lies, whatever they deem necessary to have a good time, or to get ahead.  Based on the beliefs of our faith, we can get caught in the trap of sitting in judgment, and gain arrogance in our own performance.  However, we can forget that these people don’t have the same measuring stick as we do in their minds.  To them, their behavior is perfectly acceptable.

In our personal lives we can get so caught up in measures of performance that we have set, that we think we are doing well, and when others deem our performance to be less than excellent we get angry or quit or get into bad habits of secrecy or other unfortunate actions.

The issue here is not that our point of view of the world is wrong.  We may have a perfect understanding of right and wrong, spiritual faith, etc.  The issue is that the world is not aligned.  There is divergence of attitude, viewpoint and moral and ethical thought all around us.  We can see this as our government tries to deal with different world views and shows more arrogance than understanding.

As with general discussions of arrogance, the solution here is to humble ourselves.  Humility is not the action of lowering ourselves below the level of others.  Humility is the lifting up of others.  Meekness is a power that allows us to be content in ourselves so that we can serve others.  By allowing the viewpoints of others to exist without arrogance, we can then begin to understand them, and if possible even influence them.  Influence is a power that comes from people trusting you enough to hear what you have to say and consider it.  Arrogance is the enemy of influence.

I challenge you today as I challenge myself.  Don’t be hatin!  Don’t be arrogant.  Through live, consider those around you better than yourself.   But don’t consider yourself any less!  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Are you the center of your universe?

One of the most interesting ideas about believing in God is the implication that God is greater that man.  The idea that he created the universe and is the ruler of it as a result has importance to each of us that believes.  If God is indeed the center of the universe, then in some way we are subject to this, and we are outside of the center.

The opposite of this would be the person who does not believe in God.  By default, they are then the center of their existence.  They live, then they die.  Because God is not in charge, they are free to choose to select any set of morals and rules to be their guide.  Many people view this as their right as a person.  However, the conflict arises when the rules and morals they want to define life, and those of others are not the same.  How to decide which one is the right way?  What then is the truth.  In extreme cases, the universe of each person has no overlap, and they cannot agree on anything.  In other cases, the truth becomes a series of compromises, and what is true today might not be so tomorrow.

There is comfort in the knowledge that God has provided a set of truths for us to follow in our lives.  The fact that we don't like all of them is indicative of the conflict between human nature (us as the center) and being a servant of God.  We can choose to not like one of God's laws, but that does not make it untrue, and because of this there is a constant issue of separation and repentance involved in a God relationship.

If a person does not believe in God, that does not make God's truth false, it just makes it false to them.  Society allows these people often to impose their wills on believers in God, since they are in charge of their universe.  They can find enough people to support their view and make it the new truth.  Believers must find a way to address the way that the world imposes viewpoints on us.  Following Jesus gives us a guide for dealing with those who don't believe in God or Christ, and helps us stay simultaneously true to our beliefs and humble to the world.  Our pride and joy comes from serving, not winning and imposing our point of view.  Therefore, with God at the center of our universe, we are not required to be wise in the ways of the world, just dependent on the wisdom of someone we consider greater than ourselves.  How comforting to know we are not in charge!

What would you do today if you weren't afraid?

A friend of mine was struggling with a major decision in his life.  Should he date this girl, or not.  See, she was his best friend and his concern was that if he dated her and it didn't go well, he would not only lose a girlfriend, but his best friend as well.

His fear of making this dating mistake basically paralyzed his decision making capabilities to the point that he almost hurt the friendship by not responding to her interests in taking the relationship to the next level.  We were sitting around the dinner table one night and he was lamenting this problem to me, and I asked him, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"  He immediately replied that he would date this girl.  Well, as you can imagine, I didn't cut him any slack but encouraged him to think about his response.

Shortly afterward, he stopped by to tell me that he had indeed asked her for a date, and that the friendship had survived the entire event.

A few months later, I receive the news that there is a wedding in the future.  Turns out the friendship was an indication of just how compatible they were with each other.  My family attended the wedding, and as part of the rehearsal dinner, the groom shared the story of our night at the table when I asked him that question, and how glad he was he overcame the fear and acted.

So, I am not at the table with you right now, but think about that one thing you need to do, but aren't sure whether or not it is going to work out right.  I guess you know what question I am going to ask you. 

Let me know what happens.

What if the glass is neither half empty or half full?

We have all heard that phrase used to separate optimists and pessimists.  It is a way to define a view of life wherein it is halfway to something.  Either it is on the way up, and we might consider the optimist approach, which says - it is half full, thinking I have gained and might gain some more, or... the glass is half empty - far from its potential and and sinking fast. 

Let's look first at the negative - the pessimistic viewpoint.  The implication is that there is a big container that could potentially be filled up, yet it is only halfway there, and all that can be focused on is the empty part.  It is an analogy for unfulfilled potential, something that many of us dwell on.  What a difficult way to view life, when all we can see is the part of life we are not experiencing.  The water in the glass is almost invisible to us, as we see the "empty part" only.

The optimist on the other hand, focuses on the water in the glass, not the empty space.  The empty space is some nebulous unmet potential that is not going to get in the way of enjoying the half full glass.   The difficult part here is the tendency to become content with the fact that there is something in the glass, without realizing the potential that exists.

I propose a more radical view of this simple statement, and it is the basis of the question at the beginning.  What if indeed the glass is neither half full or half empty, but rather the glass is too large for the contents?  What if we need a smaller glass so that we can see both the content and the potential?  Is this an impossibility or even too nebulous to think about?  Let me try and explain.

A person who is experiencing a pessimistic view of life, cannot get a grasp of their potential due to the overwhelming size of the possibilities.  Without any guidance or the ability to filter out the noise of life, it appears that there is a lot this person could be doing that they are not.  There are things they could be experiencing but are not.  It is so easy to fall into this trap, sort of a grass is always greener philosophy.

I contend that by taking the time to go through an exercise of what it is you really want to accomplish, setting some goals with realistic milestones, you can begin to get a handle on what is really important in life that you have not yet experienced.  The amount of empty begins to shrink down to the most important things, not everything.  If you are able to add to this an ability to focus on what is good already in your life, since there is less undone now, then a more positive and potentially fulfilling life becomes available to the pessimist.

For the optimist, sometimes it is easier to focus on what they have already done that face the fear of doing something different.  In the same way, the ability to focus down the not yet accomplished to a few key goals with attainable milestones may be the answer.  Diving into the pool is not as hard when you aren't on the high dive, and often the optimist doesn't want to get out of the pool where they are comfortable and satisfied for the excitement of the dive.

Choosing to pursue a goal can help the optimist see that there is opportunity for new, without it discounting what they have already attained. 

So maybe the glass is just too big, and the current contents are just right, we just need a little less air space to make it not so formidable.

Ponder this today.