The Power of Helping versus being Helped

I have a new friend / client who has a neat story about how he came to be a Christian.  He was an atheist for 38 years, and quite content.  However, one day his neighbor's five year old child was diagnosed with Leukemia.  My friend began volunteering to raise funds for the child's treatment.  As he became more involved, he says he took his eyes off himself for a moment, and was able to see the hope all around him.  As a result of his efforts, and the relationships this developed, he became a Christian.  Where he lives, he could have gone his whole life without hearing a strong evangelistic message, yet he was able to see through service the reality of God.  How cool is that.

This story came back to me as I was teaching a lesson the other day about the four friends who had a crippled friend they wanted to get in front of Jesus.  They brought him to a house on a blanket with the expectation that they would get him in front of Jesus who was reported to be able to heal.  Unfortunately, the crowd was made up of people who were looking to critique Jesus rather than support him, so they had no desire to let the men through.  Instead of giving up, they climbed up on the roof, busted a hole in it and lowered their friend down on the blanket where Jesus was able to forgive and heal.

Often times, when we think about those of our friends in need, whether physical or spiritual, we put them in the blanket, and try to get them in front of Jesus somehow.  We see our role to bring this "crippled" person forward with the idea that he can be healed if we do so.  Many times this does take place, when we see the obvious "injury" and see the need to help this person overcome it.

Where we miss out, though, is when we see a person who doesn't look or sound crippled yet we know they do not experience the joy of a relationship with Jesus.  We cannot picture them in a blanket being lowered in front of Jesus, nor can we actually figuratively picture them in a blanket at all.

Consider another possibility.  What if the four friends that carried the injured man were not all believers.  What if only two or three were, but asked the non-believers to help, and they saw the importance of helping enough to agree to carry the blanket.  Think of the impact on them from the experience of Jesus' healing of the paralytic on the blanket.  Maybe you need to approach your friends differently. Get them to help you help someone else.  Create a project to feed the homeless and take your friend with you.  Help out a widow or orphan in your community and ask for help to do so.  Perhaps by their joining you in caring for someone else, the same change will take place that affected my friend.

Hey, you have nothing to lose, and someone will gain, regardless of the impact on your own friend.  Whoever is getting served will benefit. 

Try it and tell me how it goes.

What does Strategy have to do with Human Resources?

What does Strategy have to do with Human Resources?

Chris Byrd, Wisdom Selling Solutions

I was recently at the SCMA Human Resources meeting, introducing Wisdom Selling Solutions to the various attendees.  As I would describe us as a strategy consultant, it was obvious the confusion about exactly why I was there representing Wisdom Selling.  Quite frankly, I don’t blame them, given the usual connection of strategy to the business leadership, not Human Resources.

However, the truth is that strategy is intimately connected to manpower, and the ability of a Human Resources team to actively participate in the strategic planning and implementation of the organization can make a world of difference in the success or failure of that organization.

Consider the following.  Imagine for a moment the CEO of your company called you into his office and gave you an hour just to tell him your dreams for the future of the workforce.  What kind of things would you tell him?  Do you even have the time to consider all of the possibilities that talent management and development could bring to the company?  How do you get to the point where you can move beyond the constant tug of legal compliance, and move to a contributor of strategy to the organization?  

Think about the following business terms and how they translate into HR.  Each is key to business strategy, and can be key to HR strategy as well.

Sales – this is a transaction taking place.  It is the goal of the business, because if this does not take place, there is no revenue whether the company provides products or services.  The sale is a trading of value.  What one entity has provides so much potential value to another that they are willing to trade something that has more value to the initial company.  For example, I might have a candy bar that cost $0.25 to make, but its value to you is a dollar, so I can sell it on its value and receive the dollar, which I value higher than the candy bar, or I wouldn’t sell it.

Your transactions are many.  Ultimately, though, the main transactions are hiring, on-boarding and retaining.  Hiring is the sale in that you provide a position to someone who values it highly enough to trade you the value of their experiences capabilities and interests.  

Marketing – this is creating the environment for the sale to take place.  Simply put, this is finding the persons who might value what you have to offer, presenting the value in a compelling way, and promoting this value to access the people who would want it.  Often this is mixed up with advertising and promotions, which is a key element, but marketing is so much more.

You create job descriptions, company websites for hiring, and brochures that tell your story.  You place this information where those most likely to fit your needs are known to frequent, and promote the opportunities available within your organization.

Strategy- this is the understanding of who an organization is, and who they want to be.  Further, it is what they want to accomplish.  Once understood, the plans to reach the destination can be developed and implemented.  

As an analogy, consider driving around in your car.  At any point, if you don’t know where you are, you are considered lost.  Now, many of us drive around looking for landmarks to tell us where we are currently.  Others of us will stop and ask for directions.  Now, if we don’t know where we are going, any road will get us there.  However, if we plan to arrive somewhere, we can use our roadmap to show us the best routes to take.  We can use the information on the map to tell us how far away it is, how long it will take, and what milestones we will pass along the way.  Nowadays, with GPS, we can even have a voice tell us when to turn.

Strategy works the same way in Human Resources.  If you know the state of the workforce, the capabilities, the interests and the level of engagement, you are in a great position to match people up with current and future positions.  Information is always going to be king in your world.  The more you know about people, their interests and potential, the better you are going to be able to fit them to the appropriate positions and retain the best talent.  The better you are able to equip your managers to lead each individual that reports to them the better their leadership can be.  

If you are connected to the pulse of the business, you can see more clearly where the people plans need to go.  If there is going to be a succession of promotions, what is the plan to backfill, for example.  When you know the capabilities of the talent that exists, you can see the gaps that need to be filled over time.  You may suggest hiring strategies that don’t make traditional sense because you can see the big picture.  You may change the onboarding process because you are hiring more young leaders, and they need to be treated differently to stay.

Obviously, these are broad generalizations, but hopefully they provide you some insight into how valuable strategic thinking can be in your department.  I encourage you to find ways to be more efficient in your transactional responsibilities, so that you have time to contribute to the future workforce success in your company.

Wisdom Selling Solutions provides strategy consulting for Business Owners, Executives and key Human Resource Leadership in support of successful strategy implementation.  WSS provides information, analysis and tools to help make your job more productive and interesting.  Contact us today for a free demonstration of these tools.

What do you do when everyone doesn’t like you?

Do you think you could stand it if everyone in the world liked you?  Imagine the pressure to remember names, spouses, interests and hobbies for all the people you come into contact with.

Life would be so simple if we could view the world that way.  In other words, that life is easier by having some people not be a match for us.  However, for most of us that is not the case.  We live our lives under the burden of those people who do not like us or who do not want to have a connection with us.   Why is it more important to us that we had a negative experience with someone that that we had so many positive ones.

I used to be so scared of people that I could hardly function.  I worried that each interaction was a place for someone to make me feel worse about myself by rejecting me in some way.  What a prison that can be.  Do you ever worry about this?  Have you experienced a situation where someone rejected you or did not want to interact with you?

This happens quite frequently in business.  We have prospects who don’t want to buy from us and we take it personally.  We have a boss who just doesn’t connect with us and promotes those with whom he does.  We have suppliers that walk all over us trying to use intimidation to tilt the negotiations.  We have peers that are competing with us for the next promotion.  It can be quite overwhelming if we let it.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it causes us to miss the positives that are going on around us, and which make up the majority of our interactions.  I decided a few years ago that there had to be something better for me.  Therefore, I began an informal, where I decided to take a positive approach with everyone I met, and see what kind of reactions I got. 

Turns out that only about 70% of those I talked to were interested in responding.  30% of those I talked to either cut me off, or demonstrated irritation or just tolerated me then moved on as soon as they could.  Now, you could say that I have some communications challenges or personality issues.  That is what I used to think. What I believe now is that there is a large group of people out there I can connect with if I go seek them out.

The last time you checked, was 70% more than 30%?  Of course it is.  Now for the hard question.  Is the value of the positive feedback from the 70% greater than the impact of the negative feedback of the 30%?  The answer to this is the 70% Solution.  If you can accept that this greater percentage of people is going to connect with you, you are freed up to remove the fear from your interactions.  You can pursue relationships and celebrate the ones you get, while understanding those you don’t.

Now, this does not mean the 30% are bad people. They just have a different 70%.  It also does not mean you will never connect with them, but you may have to use a different approach, and be very patient while understanding it may never happen.

I encourage you to consider the implications of this line of thinking.  If you are sincere and reach out to people you have a high likelihood of being rewarded.  If you are yourself on the sales call or in your company interactions, you will have some success you didn’t expect.  You will not have the burden of pretending to be something you aren’t to connect to those you can’t.

Go out there and begin to talk to people freely.  See for yourself what happens as a result.

Quick Thought on Wisdom - The truth in your mind

Proverbs 27:19  As water reflects your face, so your mind shows what kind of person you are.

This is so cool because it lives behind the mask.  What are you thinking about right now?  What were you thinking about a while ago?  What are you likely to think about?

Your mind is the source of your character.  We have been given the will to determine how and what we think.  We are equipped for positive or negative thoughts, but the gravity of life pulls naturally toward thoughts that are self serving and self beneficial.  We must actively work on our mind to build strength of character.  This is not just beneficial in our conscious thinking day in and day out.  This work prepares us for our reactions to external stimuli.  The old adage garbage in garbage out is more true that we think.  If we surround ourselves with selfish people that will build that momentum in us.  If we watch violent or sexually explicit shows or movies, we build momentum toward that thinking.

Like a rock rolling down hill, these thoughts gather strength in affecting our character.  They are sitting there waiting for the scantily clad young woman to walk by, or for our child to make a serious mistake.  The thoughts that go through our mind will come out in our actions or words.  Hurtful to our families, friends and reputation.

Is it worth the risk to not discipline our minds toward good things?  Should we surround ourselves with positive people, and reduce our exposure to the negative and critical?  Should we manage what we watch?  Should we put in processes for reacting to our children or subordinates to give pause to our responses?

Perhaps.  Worth thinking about at least?

Quick Thought on Wisdom - The benefits of counsel

Proverbs 27:17  As Iron Sharpens Iron, so people can improve each other.

One of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn is that I don't know everything.  This may be hard for some of you to accept, but yes it is true.  This has not stopped me from trying to do everything on my own.  My wife and my parents have both pointed out to me that I am quick to make decisions and act, without even asking any advice from them or anyone else.  I am often wrong and spend a lot of time fixing problems caused by my rash actions.

In starting my own company, I have set a goal to always look for others who can give me advice to make better decisions.  This has led me to go slower, seek help from friends, seek referrals, and other actions that I would have passed right by before.  I have added to my consulting business a role as of mentoring to hopefully pay it forward for the benefits others have provided me.

The bottom line of this is very clear but hard to do.  Can you realize that you will be a better leader, parent, spouse, follower, etc. if you are willing to seek out and accept the input of others?  Are you willing to listen?  And... are you willing to be an influence to others?

People need you to help.  Don't waste your wisdom!

Thoughts on Wisdom - Part 4 - What do you fear the most?

Have you ever watched one of those TV detective shows where a woman has been subject to years of abuse by her husband and then is accused of murder as a result of finally having had enough?  Most often the question at hand is "why didn't she just leave?".  Other times, you see a story about the homeless in New York, and you wonder, "why don't they just move somewhere else where they can get a job?"

Human nature is a very complex thing.  We become attuned to our current situation, and often even if it is not the greatest in the world, we stay because it is safer that the outside world.  Having just experienced five months of unemployment, I can assure you it is scary out there.  I would much rather have stayed behind my desk, happy or sad.  Why is that?  Have you ever felt that way?

The question that starts this blog post asks what we fear the most.  I believe for most of us, it is change!  In fact, doctors tell us that the more change we experience, the more likely our health is to take a hit.  Our physical, emotional and social characteristics are so set in current behavior that the new is difficult to incorporate in.

Now, think for a moment about the implications of this for wisdom.  Wisdom is not just learning something new, but acting on it in some positive way.  Otherwise it is just knowledge.  The bible, for example is full of wisdom.  However, the instructions describe the spiritual experience as being born again.  Consider the implications of this impossible statement.  As a child, we have no set behaviors.  We are open to new learnings and adapt to teachings and experiences daily.  A child will trust those who are teaching them to provide the right information and will accept it on faith, forming their world view from these teachings and experiences.

Using the above example as a basis, let's consider the possibilities for overcoming this fear of change.  They are not very high.  It requires a daily willingness to consider the new.  It is an act of the will, which will then have to war against our human nature.  Imagine the wife who is willing to consider the new, and have faith that there is something positive out there for her to experience.  Perhaps she would be more willing to leave the bad situation.

Imagine you, willing to consider something new each day.  What is there out there today that could rock your world if you would let it?  Hey, talk to a democrat or republican, whichever you are not - and be open to their point of view!  Talk to a Christian or a non-believer, and really listen to their point of view.  Talk to a teenager or a senior citizen.  At the end of the day, ask yourself:  Were you open to anything at all that was shared with you... or are you afraid?

Try it and tell me how it goes!!!!!

Where the heck are you going?

If you are a guy like me, you have inevitably heard those words as you take the exit beyond the one you intended to take, and rather than re-enter the interstate and go back one exit, you turn on your internal GPS and start your cross country small road attempt to end up where you intended to go.  In your mind you know exactly where you expect to end up, and it is not your fault if if those with you can't see it.  In fact, they may know exactly where you are trying to go as well, but just can't see it from the route you are taking.

Our natural response?  "Just be quiet, I know what I am doing."  Ha!  I have had to stop more than once and ask as a result of having set off in a direction that seemed right at the time but put me in a place where no road seemed to get nearer to my goal.

Oul lives our companies and our ministries can experience the same situations, and we as leaders cannot afford the luxury of just turning and trying any old road with the expectation it will take us where we want to go, without the support of those along for the ride with us.  Sometimes the wise move is to turn around and go back to the interstate, but sometimes that way is not open to us and we have to keep going in a direction we think will take us toward the goal.

I have two pieces of advice for you this morning.  First, you need to communicate clearly to those riding with you why you are going the direction you are headed, and make sure they understand as well your level of certainty.  It is ok for those with you to leave breadcrumbs for the possibility of backtracking, but they need to be on board with the direction and the risk.  After all, you are the leader.  Take the time to talk about things in a positive but realistic manner.  You never expect to lose, do you?  However, you may have to change the gameplan a little to ensure success.

My second piece of advice is be willing to stop and ask for direction.  A small bit of tweaking to a plan can in some cases redirect you back toward the goal, rather than allowing you to move further away, and eventually forcing a backtrack.  Consider having a mentor who will give you feedback from his or her experiences.  Also, consider having someone audit your plans and from the outside critique the direction based on your goals. 

Visit WisdomSelling.com for more thoughts on this idea.

Would you lie to make a six-figure Deal?

My wife and I were watching a new and interesting show on TV about a group of guys who sell million dollar real estate.  It seems like their total focus was on making the deal, and their commissions were upwards of six figures on some deals.  These guys let the cameras follow them around during their listing processes, their sales methods and their social lives.  They gave of a strong sense of being willing to do about anything to make a sale.  Just no real set of distinct guidelines for character except as needed to get the deal done.

So this one guy has a listing that he plans to put a special push on and he begins making calls to his major clients.  To each one he uses the same lines, like:  I am calling you first, you are my most important customer, of course I called you first, etc.  Each time he was filmed on the phone he was spinning some message to please the customer, each an obvious exaggeration or outright lie.

Now, this may seem like a personal preference of the agent that I should just accept, but my son was also in the room, watching the show off and on as we admired the different huge houses.  I had to stop and tell him that these lies the guy was telling were not acceptable, and that we should never behave like that.  Well, that is the right thing to say, isn't it? 

However, I immediately had a gut check time.  Would I ever use any sort of falsehood to make a deal?  While now I can safely say I would not, I cannot say my entire sales career was lie free.  I live with the regret of some of what I recall, but I am sure there are lots of times I made a small point that was untrue that I don't even remember.  Ouch - seeing it from the outside in was so distasteful!

I watched this guy with amazement as he had no concerns at all about the viewing public see him do this.  I also had to wonder if he thought these people he was talking to would never watch the show.  What would he say if they called to challenge him on this?  Would he even care?  In today's culture this behavior is being glorified, filmed and shown as entertainment.  Good Grief.

So as you are reading this, is there anything coming to mind that you might need to deal with from the past or for the future.  I encourage you to at least privately consider it and make a decision on your deals in the future.  Win with honesty or not at all?  Easily said, but challenging to implement.  Good luck!

Interesting Thought - Is technology robbing us of truly interesting people?

My daughter and I were driving to school this morning, and she told me about the ring she was wearing.  She told me it was from her Grandmother.  Well, not really. It was from her mom, but she wanted it to be from her Grandmother “Nanny”, so she was pretending it was.  My daughter is 15, so if she is pretending, it must be pretty important.

I told her she needed to come up with a story about the ring that would give it a special meaning.  She thought for a moment then told a story of some small value, but brief and to the point. I explained to her that was unacceptable, as a story about something as valuable as a ring needed a special story.

So, she challenged me with “go”.  Here is my story, right off the cuff:

Nanny’s husband was a wonderful man when they met, but after the marriage the weight of the world began to wear him down.  In order to cope with this life of disappointment and lack of direction, he began to drink.  In fact, he drank so much he became an alcoholic.  He began to be more aggressive at home; in fact, he was somewhat verbally abusive.  He would stay out late, and Nanny became despondent over the lack of any relationship with her husband.  She longed for a conversation that didn’t focus on something she did wrong or neglected to do at all.

Her husband fell further and further down, until there was no relationship at all.  Her Christian values provided her comfort and helped her commit to stay, but her reasons were so unselfish – to hopefully one day help him recover his character and follow his dreams.

One day, he was sitting in a bar, as he usually did, and a ring salesman sat down next to him.  He asked what he was doing there, and her husband explained how this was the only place he felt at home anymore.  The salesman asked if he was married.  Yes, he replied.  The salesman said he was too, and was very sad to be away from his wife for even the little while it took him to run his route each week.  He asked Nanny’s husband to tell him about Nanny.  Well, no one likes to tell about his wife as a failure, so he began to describe her as he once thought her to be.  The more he talked, the more interesting the description became, and he felt something he hadn’t felt in a while.  He missed her, and actually wanted to be with her more than being at the bar.

After a few more moments, a tear formed in his eye.  The salesman asked if something was wrong.  The husband replied that everything was wrong and he was the cause.  He realized that he wanted her more than he wanted the beer.  He then proceeded to confess to the salesman about his life of drinking and abuse.  The salesman told him he didn’t think it was too late.  Nanny’s husband stood up with the intention to leave and go straight home to her.

The ring salesman then told him not to go home empty handed, and opened his case to reveal a simple silver ring.  He gave it to Nanny’s husband and told him to present it to her as a symbol of his commitment to a new life.

Turns out it was.  From then on, life was different.  And Nanny did not take this ring off till she was ready to leave to see him in heaven, at which point she presented it to my daughter, with a request that she remember it is never too late.

Thus the importance of the ring to my daughter.

It was fun to tell the story, but her response was sobering and saddening.  She said that if I was growing up today I would just be normal, rather than having this streak of creativity.  She said that the television, internet and cell phone had robbed her peers of the ability to tell stories and create from scratch.

If this has happened to you, or to someone you know, it is not too late!  Tell a story tonight.  Or two or three.  Teach your friends and families to tell stories about the objects around them.  Be creative before creativity disappears.

Are you arrogant?

That may seem like a strange and presumptuous question for me to be asking you this morning.  However, I think that your honest answer to this question, and the decisions you make about how to deal with it may change your day, your relationships, your career and your personal witness to others.

I unfortunately have had to deal with this question often in my own life.  Both in my own behavior and in the behavior I have experienced in others.  Let me give you a definition so you might think back on your interactions with me and see if you think I am or was.  Then you might also look at yourself.

Arrogance to me is thinking less of someone else because they do not think act or believe in alignment with my own beliefs.  I will give you an example.  Let’s say as a result of my beliefs I don’t believe in drinking.  I experience someone who has a lifestyle that includes social drinking or otherwise.  Because of my beliefs there is a gap in behaviors.  Arrogance would mean I think they are less than me because they chose this lifestyle.  I am finding it interesting to watch an eight year old, who does not yet have the capacity of discernment, who struggles to appreciate anyone he sees drinking or smoking.  He does not have the ability to let go what he sees as a deviation from his belief system, and cannot let it go.  He is always pointing it out.  I think to myself, “Why is he so stuck on this?”  Yet I realize I have my own judgments based on my beliefs that cause me to do the same.

In business, we often find ourselves in negotiations with someone who may or may not share the same level of morals and ethics as we do.  In our mind, they often become inferior, as they have a flaw compared to our beliefs.  Yet in their own mind, they see themselves as just fine, and growing quite successful with their behaviors. 

In relationships, we find that decisions are being made based on a family history that we have not experienced personally, and it produces decisions we believe are inferior to our own.  We begin to think less of the other person in this relationship because they are not capable of thinking as we do.

In sports, we excel in a certain skill, and can become caught up in the fact that others do not perform at our level.  We believe that we can outperform because our measurement system is based on our skill set.  You only have to watch the movie Rudy, to see this arrogance played out by others on the team.  Yet he is the one carried off at the end.  Perhaps the measurement system in life was different than the measurement system of the superstar?

In faith, we find that people in the world around us commit acts we consider atrocious.  Sleeping around, driving drunk, telling lies, whatever they deem necessary to have a good time, or to get ahead.  Based on the beliefs of our faith, we can get caught in the trap of sitting in judgment, and gain arrogance in our own performance.  However, we can forget that these people don’t have the same measuring stick as we do in their minds.  To them, their behavior is perfectly acceptable.

In our personal lives we can get so caught up in measures of performance that we have set, that we think we are doing well, and when others deem our performance to be less than excellent we get angry or quit or get into bad habits of secrecy or other unfortunate actions.

The issue here is not that our point of view of the world is wrong.  We may have a perfect understanding of right and wrong, spiritual faith, etc.  The issue is that the world is not aligned.  There is divergence of attitude, viewpoint and moral and ethical thought all around us.  We can see this as our government tries to deal with different world views and shows more arrogance than understanding.

As with general discussions of arrogance, the solution here is to humble ourselves.  Humility is not the action of lowering ourselves below the level of others.  Humility is the lifting up of others.  Meekness is a power that allows us to be content in ourselves so that we can serve others.  By allowing the viewpoints of others to exist without arrogance, we can then begin to understand them, and if possible even influence them.  Influence is a power that comes from people trusting you enough to hear what you have to say and consider it.  Arrogance is the enemy of influence.

I challenge you today as I challenge myself.  Don’t be hatin!  Don’t be arrogant.  Through live, consider those around you better than yourself.   But don’t consider yourself any less!  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Are you the center of your universe?

One of the most interesting ideas about believing in God is the implication that God is greater that man.  The idea that he created the universe and is the ruler of it as a result has importance to each of us that believes.  If God is indeed the center of the universe, then in some way we are subject to this, and we are outside of the center.

The opposite of this would be the person who does not believe in God.  By default, they are then the center of their existence.  They live, then they die.  Because God is not in charge, they are free to choose to select any set of morals and rules to be their guide.  Many people view this as their right as a person.  However, the conflict arises when the rules and morals they want to define life, and those of others are not the same.  How to decide which one is the right way?  What then is the truth.  In extreme cases, the universe of each person has no overlap, and they cannot agree on anything.  In other cases, the truth becomes a series of compromises, and what is true today might not be so tomorrow.

There is comfort in the knowledge that God has provided a set of truths for us to follow in our lives.  The fact that we don't like all of them is indicative of the conflict between human nature (us as the center) and being a servant of God.  We can choose to not like one of God's laws, but that does not make it untrue, and because of this there is a constant issue of separation and repentance involved in a God relationship.

If a person does not believe in God, that does not make God's truth false, it just makes it false to them.  Society allows these people often to impose their wills on believers in God, since they are in charge of their universe.  They can find enough people to support their view and make it the new truth.  Believers must find a way to address the way that the world imposes viewpoints on us.  Following Jesus gives us a guide for dealing with those who don't believe in God or Christ, and helps us stay simultaneously true to our beliefs and humble to the world.  Our pride and joy comes from serving, not winning and imposing our point of view.  Therefore, with God at the center of our universe, we are not required to be wise in the ways of the world, just dependent on the wisdom of someone we consider greater than ourselves.  How comforting to know we are not in charge!

What would you do today if you weren't afraid?

A friend of mine was struggling with a major decision in his life.  Should he date this girl, or not.  See, she was his best friend and his concern was that if he dated her and it didn't go well, he would not only lose a girlfriend, but his best friend as well.

His fear of making this dating mistake basically paralyzed his decision making capabilities to the point that he almost hurt the friendship by not responding to her interests in taking the relationship to the next level.  We were sitting around the dinner table one night and he was lamenting this problem to me, and I asked him, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"  He immediately replied that he would date this girl.  Well, as you can imagine, I didn't cut him any slack but encouraged him to think about his response.

Shortly afterward, he stopped by to tell me that he had indeed asked her for a date, and that the friendship had survived the entire event.

A few months later, I receive the news that there is a wedding in the future.  Turns out the friendship was an indication of just how compatible they were with each other.  My family attended the wedding, and as part of the rehearsal dinner, the groom shared the story of our night at the table when I asked him that question, and how glad he was he overcame the fear and acted.

So, I am not at the table with you right now, but think about that one thing you need to do, but aren't sure whether or not it is going to work out right.  I guess you know what question I am going to ask you. 

Let me know what happens.

What if the glass is neither half empty or half full?

We have all heard that phrase used to separate optimists and pessimists.  It is a way to define a view of life wherein it is halfway to something.  Either it is on the way up, and we might consider the optimist approach, which says - it is half full, thinking I have gained and might gain some more, or... the glass is half empty - far from its potential and and sinking fast. 

Let's look first at the negative - the pessimistic viewpoint.  The implication is that there is a big container that could potentially be filled up, yet it is only halfway there, and all that can be focused on is the empty part.  It is an analogy for unfulfilled potential, something that many of us dwell on.  What a difficult way to view life, when all we can see is the part of life we are not experiencing.  The water in the glass is almost invisible to us, as we see the "empty part" only.

The optimist on the other hand, focuses on the water in the glass, not the empty space.  The empty space is some nebulous unmet potential that is not going to get in the way of enjoying the half full glass.   The difficult part here is the tendency to become content with the fact that there is something in the glass, without realizing the potential that exists.

I propose a more radical view of this simple statement, and it is the basis of the question at the beginning.  What if indeed the glass is neither half full or half empty, but rather the glass is too large for the contents?  What if we need a smaller glass so that we can see both the content and the potential?  Is this an impossibility or even too nebulous to think about?  Let me try and explain.

A person who is experiencing a pessimistic view of life, cannot get a grasp of their potential due to the overwhelming size of the possibilities.  Without any guidance or the ability to filter out the noise of life, it appears that there is a lot this person could be doing that they are not.  There are things they could be experiencing but are not.  It is so easy to fall into this trap, sort of a grass is always greener philosophy.

I contend that by taking the time to go through an exercise of what it is you really want to accomplish, setting some goals with realistic milestones, you can begin to get a handle on what is really important in life that you have not yet experienced.  The amount of empty begins to shrink down to the most important things, not everything.  If you are able to add to this an ability to focus on what is good already in your life, since there is less undone now, then a more positive and potentially fulfilling life becomes available to the pessimist.

For the optimist, sometimes it is easier to focus on what they have already done that face the fear of doing something different.  In the same way, the ability to focus down the not yet accomplished to a few key goals with attainable milestones may be the answer.  Diving into the pool is not as hard when you aren't on the high dive, and often the optimist doesn't want to get out of the pool where they are comfortable and satisfied for the excitement of the dive.

Choosing to pursue a goal can help the optimist see that there is opportunity for new, without it discounting what they have already attained. 

So maybe the glass is just too big, and the current contents are just right, we just need a little less air space to make it not so formidable.

Ponder this today.